just some random thoughts

U
(thursday, april 23rd)

although i welcome pain- for it is a reminder of my humanity, i do not appreciate its regular presence in my life. simplicity has always been a principle and everything that goes beyond the limit of a few sentences, a couple of tries, and a number of teardrops has to be get rid with. i may blabber, i may fail, i may cry, and all these times i may feel the pangs of pain biting me limb by limb, but i always have the choice whether to embrace the pain or to leave it behind.

today i am choosing to turn my back on you.

*****
(friday, 24th)
"with great power comes great responsibility." - uncle ben, from ur friendly neighborhood spiderman.

this line just never leaves my mind. agreed. but there should be no room for mediocrity as well.

*****
(saturday, 25th)
for someone with a high level of self-efficacy, to be psychosomatic is such a degradation. i have always believed that, in one way or another, i would be able to attain any goal as long as i set my mind into it and focus all my energies toward its achievement. this result (which is only a part actually of the whole study) on my psychological status was validated almost 2 years back when a group of students came for their thesis. the result was satisfactory with me having a high level of self regard.

it is therefore a shame to sit idly, watch tv, and wait for the day to end. the hotel's compound is so small and i guess i have grown tired of meeting the same faces each day that the opportunity for social persuasions, modeling, sharing of motivations / thought patterns, even of comparing social responses is less these days when i rather preferred to stay home instead.

the ultimate sign of distress is when symptoms of psychosomatic tendencies arise in me these last two days. been singing the song "down with the sickness" and unconsciously i slipped off to the world of disturbia.

i am just stuck for a moment, but definitely i would be moving on in a little more time. i struggle to bring back that old me as i picture Bono as U2 performed in woodstock. i love the entire piece, but the favorite:

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass

today...

... marvin and karen pulled me out of bed for breakfast. just when i have declared a no-bf personal policy, they wave the green flag for family dining.
... a missed call from mister ali starts lowtide.
... a chat with snail brings me up and about again. mk, snail. really.
... am preparing for separation anxiety attack. many of my friends are leaving for the uae in the afternoon. i am happy for them. it's just that olympic hotel won't be the same without edna, maymay, william, don, ate marilou.
... am still feeling bad for not kissing harris goodbye last monday.
... am hating myself for things i did not do and for the things i did.
... i need to get a grip with my sanity. a screw's getting a bit loose. i hope my vanity could save me.
... i'm signing off for a while.

Holiday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44ZEcEwLfgM

A Sporty Holy Tuesday

sports serves as an outlet for my lowtide attacks. today has been a roller-coaster ride of emotions. woke up wanting to scream at kuya edgar for calling so early and banged the phone right on his face. this has become a habit again, a bad one, this banging of phone. i apologized to kuya though after a while.

daytime was heavy. cried for different reasons: homesickness, the wait for visa, a call from Snail, and an aching body (thanks to that unfriendly hotel mattress).

lowtide didnt last long though as after dinner, my friends (karen, marvin, ritchie - the closest to me during this period) literally tugged me out of the room. played table tennis with our irani friends (ibrahim, farhoud, salah, hussain) whose hits warmed me up for a game with kuya jodi. kuya later became a very good coach and a hitting partner who helped me with my backhand.

afterwards, played patintero with the Kabayans. too bad my team was the weaker one. we lost 2 sets of 5 games each and had to crawl twice. it was so much fun and my voice was hoarse after the game.

then again went back to table tennis. won 1 out 3 sets, not bad for someone who has not held a racket for years, hehehe.

after a while i ran to the next court to watch volleyball and played as the cheerleader. reminds me of my younger days (*wink). cheered for arvi to marvin's disappointment. well, we can't be on each other's side all the time, bro.

didn't finish the match though, went back to the table for a rally.

what a sporty holy tuesday!
(please don't tell my mom that i am in the court instead of the church today)

Qeshm Bloopers

Number 1:
(karen and me sa room, habang kumakain)
Karen: gurl, ang laki na natin. tingnan mo nga braso mo.
Ruth: huh, sobrang laki na ba?
Karen: sort of. pero proportion pa rin naman...
Ruth: ah, ok.
(after a long pause)
Karen: ... sa tiyan mo!
Ruth: oh, no!!!!!

Number 2:
Ruth: Ate, umaga na ba?
Ate Marilou: Gabi na po!
*** yaiks, yan ang totoong daylight saving time.

Number 3:
(unti-unting nagkakaroon kami ni karen ng puwang sa maliit na lipunan na aming ginagalawan)
Kuya: Ruth, Karen, may pagkain pa ba kayo?
*** waaaaaaaaah!!!