ending the year 2008

i wish i close this year with happy memories.
i wish i move on to 2009 with a smile.
i wish i see bright things for the future.

remorse starts creeping in and biting every inch of me, flesh and soul. my mind is so occupied with thoughts of the future given all the developments in the family and in my own personal affairs. fear starts to control my whole being as i wait for the year to end and for another year to come.

unlike the other year, today is not so hopeful. i start hating the people i love. the recent topic brought up in the family's discussion was not something that could easily turn my mind from despair.

i know this is just a moment, that this time would only pass. it wont last long. but even if i have figured this out, still it does not save me from the emotional turmoil i feel inside. this feeling of being an outcast, of being misunderstood, of being cheated and shortchanged, is more hurtful now that it is the family involved.


christmas 2008

yesterday i asked myself what gift i could give to the birthday celebrant. for all the blessings i received for the past year, for all the happy and sad times which only brought forth growth and a little more wisdom, for all the battles lost and won, it is only fair and proper that i give back to Him all those that i have been given.

i thank the Lord for the gift of family. Both mom and dad are blessed with good health, good circle of friends, and good disposition. Julie is doing well in her work and while she always whines that she is fed up of her 7-year affair with her company and its product she is still in the same boat. Francis may have not fared too well in his studies lately but he is still going on and the good news is that his thesis proposal is finally confirmed! Eliza on the other hand is doing well in school. No failing marks last semester, kudos Eliza po! and Maki? he is enjoying the best of both worlds. Happy to leave the complicated school life he had at sped, he welcomes each day with a bang in my kindergarten / elementary / high school alma mater.

career is another aspect worthy to celebrate life. i landed a good job and a good position when i came to dubai. though the good times did not last for so long, the experience will always be cherished and the friends i met along the way will never be forgotten.

I also sing for friendship, for its dynamic and growing presence in my life. I thank the Lord for those i have come to know, for those that i have left behind, for those that i have made enemies with, for those i have not spoken to and those i have decided not to speak to, for those that i choose to forget, and most especially for those who are still with me till these days. it is true that even friendship does not last for so long but there are friends who will always be special until the end of my days. and for these friends i sing and lift my voice to the glory of God.

Narcissism will always be a part of me and so i thank all the people who have made me feel special and beautiful, inside and out.

And i shall also continuously thank the Lord for the gift of life, for the passion, for the dreams, and the courage to go on. I would not be who I am today if not for Him. I know i have caused Him so much pain and headache lately but it does not mean I would always be so. for the chances to change myself for the better, for the forgiveness i get when i fail to be the child He wants me to be, for the strength He provides me when i stumble, i will always celebrate life and be thankful to God almighty.

For all these blessings and for all that i have failed to mention, i will always thank the Lord. what gift could equate for all these? nothing. i can only be better each day.

happy birthday to you!