maligayang pasko at masayang 2008!

ano nga ba ang ibig sabihin ng pasko? minsan kasi naa-associate lang natin ang pasko sa bakasyon, sa mga regalo, sa mga gimik ng pamilya at barkada. lately though, simula nung umalis ako at nagpakalayo nag iba na ang tingin ko sa mga bagay-bagay.

katulad ng pasko. napaisip tuloy ako sa kung ano talaga ang kahulugan nito. eh di ba't ito yung araw na ipinanganak si Kristo, so hindi pala dapat na tayo ang bigyan ng aginaldo dahil hindi naman natin kaarawan ang december 25. wala, napaisip lang ako.

anyway, happy new year to all! hmmm... time to make new year's resolutions na naman. ano nga ba ang magandang resolusyon? ang ayaw ko sa sarili ko lately ay yung pagiging "player" in many fields. sige na nga, by 2008 i will take things slowly and seriously. ano pa ba ang mga dapat kong baguhin sa sarili ko? yung pagiging latecomer ko nga pala, yung mabilisang pagbabago ng isip ko, at ang pagka "empty-head" ko when it comes to directions. absent yata ako nung nag discuss kami ng map-reading sa klase, but anyhow i must learn to find my direction (in truth, di ko pa rin kayang umalis ng bahay na mag isa at pumunta sa suki naming net cafe, whew, what an indiot i am sometimes talaga!).

so much for resolutions. i am sure i could hardly make all of those din naman. but i'll try.

have a happy 2008 everyone!


waiting for thursday

i wish it were thursday already, my mind screams.

thursdays are ultra special to me lately. for one, thursday is the last day of the working week. fridays and saturdays i am off to bond with my bed, my laundry, and of course the internet. this coming thursday however is a bit more special than the usual because then i would end my contract here. i know it is wrong to wait for days to come by. i also know that every minute is important as it can't be brought back. but nonetheless, i also know that i am not so happy being here, being far from the people i know, and from the place that i have started to learn how to live in.

by thursday, in shallah, i will hand over all my reports and responsibilities to the kabayan who has given me the opportunity to have a taste of UAE work. and by thursday, in shallah, i could get a hold of the promised and most-awaited reward. really, may the lord allow such a thing to happen this thursday and not later than that.

i may feel like this week is a long stretch. sunday, monday i have to work. tuesday is new year and i am not so sure how i would celebrate the coming of another year, then comes wednesday when kabayan comes back to work then thursday for goodbyes. i really can't wait.

i am about to end a chapter of my life and begin with another. as i end my stint here in abu dhabi this coming thursday, another page is coming up. friday and saturday as i said will be bonding with my bed, my laundry and the internet, and come sunday i will be occupying another room, sit in another chair, and meet new associates. in shallah, everything will be fine for me. al hamdulillah!

missing maki

been here for more than a month. that's more than a month of being far from maki.

if there ever is a person i miss so much, it would be him. the rest of them back in there are important too, but i have grown used to being far from them such that these days do not mean so much of homesickness to me. except when i think of maki.

five years old, so lively and manipulative, maki is the one thing i could not live without. each passing day i always think of him, how he fares in school, what toys is he playing, what he does at this moment, and so many other things yet. i worry about his baon to school, about his assignments, his exams, and these are the moments when i wish i were there in our old place, teaching him his lessons and playing with him until late at night.

i miss the smile he flashes when asked if mother and son look the same. i miss those times when he would simply sit on a corner and tinker on his toys, or when he watches cartoons and racing movies. i miss cradling him. i carried him to sleep a few months back, and though he was heavy i was still able to sing him songs from his early childhood. there is this song i always sang when he was young. and growing up, he has come to memorize the song. it really feels so good that this child had this song associated to me and that over the years, he has come to love this particular song.

there are a lot more i could say about maki. but remembering him, the time i spent with him, and the time i did not spend with him, send a bullet through my heart, each time crushing me and breaking me down. i miss him. so much that it hurts.


december 15, saturday

i got three interviews on this day.

met ice at the crown plaza (sa labas lang po ("/,) in sheikh zayed road. had an interview at 10am. he was half-greek and half-arab (not so half-god). he was so gentle it makes u feel like u'd want to work in the company. old and balding, he was soft-spoken like a dad, and so concerned of everyone's welfare (like he asked me how ice and i got to golden diamond plaza because true enough, it is a far place).

the second interview ice and i skipped. we just felt so tired that we wanted to get back to the hustle and bustle of the big city. we hiked, hitched, rode a bus, and got lost. that was it. we went down on the round-about at trade center, rode another bus, intending to get to pizza hut but traffic was so crazy we reached the desert. so much for thrill and excitement! we had lots of pictures though, and we have a picture of our tired feet.

and then we met imran and he brought us back to deira. the seasoned-driver proved to be so much of a help in finding the location of the third and final interview. lo and behold! i got the job. life's pretty much exciting and fun afterall.

God is good.

really, i always feel God wherever i go.

there are times when i wonder why i do not worry about things when other people with a situation the same as mine worry. for example, going here. it seemed as if it was written, maktub as it was said by Santiago in the Alchemist. i didnot worry too much, everything seemed to fall in its place. maybe i wanted to come here so bad that all in the universe conspired for me to reach this place.

and then there's the race to find a job. barely 10 days old in this queer place and i found a job somewhere in the next emirate. it's just a releiving post actually, but i have not even finished the thing when i got a call for a job after the 4th of january. this saturday i will be handing over my passport, visa, and all other pertinent documents for the processing and completion of my employment visa. that's it. things just fall in its place.

all these time i feel the hand of God working in my life: protecting me, guiding me, guarding me. and though i am not so expressive of my love for Him, He knows i do believe in Him.

indeed, God is good.


kkk (kwentong kilig-kilig)

tatlo sa isang piso ang bentahan ng mga pogi dito, hehehe.
kung sa brok halos wala kang makikitang gwapo, dito naman naglipana ang mga totoong gawa ng diyos, yun bang mga mala-adonis sa kagwapohan.

today is the birth of a new crush. ngayon ko lang napansin, mas gwapo pala si adam kaysa kay brian. akala ko fixated na ako dun kay brian, di pala.

mabuti na lang at nakita ko si adam kanina. time to end my fascination over brian na kasi. alam nya na kasi na gwapo xa, hahaha.

so pano, bye brian, hello, adam.


what's in a name?

this is but a common question derived from shakespeare's romeo and juliet and has actually gone so popular over the ages just as "to be or not to be" has evolved and used in several tongues and contexts.

the turn of events has gone so fast for me that i do not even realize i have been here for more than 2 weeks already. this poor pea-sized brain could still not remember names of streets- not even of major roads, and the difficulty is double when it comes to remembering names of people. several times i cried because i was lost, or stuck in the middle of dunes, or simply tired because i could not figure my way out of the mall. to be honest, i never knew my incapacity to decipher geography and maps is at its worst level until just recently.

on my first day of work i got lost and the taxi cab driver thought he was so unlucky to have me for a passenger when all of the city was so busy. i tell u, taxi drivers here are snobs, and they have a special position in the society knowing that there is scarcity in transportation all over the area. he brought me to the old philippine embassy instead of the new one, and he wanted me to come down of his taxi as there were several passengers waiting for a cab in the main road. imagine me so anxious, biting my nails, and pressing hard the tears back. my hands were cold, even my feet, and my brain was whirling and shouting for help. if i were so witty and not one to be bullied when i was in the homeland, i am the exact opposite these days. i cry at the slightest provocation and i feel so weak, so minute, lately. and honestly, the thought of going to this or that, or talking to mr/ms this or mr/ms that sends me off to a spin. why? because there are many times, and i'd say most of the time, i hear and/or read things wrongly.

you see, people here are from different walks of life. some speak english pretty well, the brits talk very good but are sometimes hard to understand, pakistanis are talkative (mind u, not all are friendly. and pakistani drivers? they bark to passengers, literally. i could count a few friendly ones though. there's imran who's very interested in learning tagalog, then the taxi driver whose cab i rode one early morning after bringing tina to the bus station, then the driver this morning.) but there are times also when i hear things wrongly. and people here have no sense of spelling such that i mistake a place to another, and later end up lost and so stressed.

another thing worthy to note is how one's family name affects an image. one time i was asked to process some papers for this particular guy whose family name sounds not so good. secretly i was laughing at the name but when the guy finally came and inquired about his papers, goodness! he's the cutest guy that has ever walked in this planet. the man is simply gorgeous, just ignore the name and everything else would be so perfect in him.

another instance is when somebody dialled up ethel's number by mistake. he said his name was this (and ethel being so reserved in person and on phone asked me to pick the call for her). i asked, "sorry?" and he said how come i did not know his name when it is a wonderful name that his parents picked for him. geez, i didn't know. it sounded greek to me at that time.

several encounters with names yet and still i have a long way to tell. later when i have much time to put it down, more stories about names are to come.


how talkative are filipinos?

i was running late early today and no taxi was available in the airport road. i had to wait for more than 30minutes to get hold of one.

the driver was a pakistani. good thing he stopped right in front of me, otherwise i would have not gotten the ride. anyway, i haven't even said where i was going when he started asking me "kumusta ka?". i was flushed, but happy at the same time, to be asked how i was when everything else seemed to be crumbling. he flashed a huge smile, not really perfect, but a smile- even from a complete stranger- was what i needed this morning. and so i smiled back, told him i was fine (and that was in english) and added i was going to the villa next to the philippine embassy.

to my surprise he asked me again, "doon ang trabaho mo?". geez, the man was cool. i told him i am not working yet, that i am only visiting someone who lives around the embassy vicinity. he quipped: "nah, hindi maganda dito wala trabaho, dapat meron dahil lahat mahal,". holy molly! did i hear him right?

he went on to lecture me about the fast and expensive lifestyle people here have to adapt to. he said that one has to find work right away, not only to save himself/herself from the prospect of exit, but to enjoy life. and according to him, to enjoy life is to earn the pay.

why? because money here has so much purchasing power. take a twenty bill from ur pocket, enter a supermarket, and u'd come out with a bag or two of goodies. even a five bill could take u a long way. and a coin could allow one to munch on pringles, or savor a wok of noodles, or enjoy a cadbury.

he said all these things in tagalog. his sentences may not be perfectly constructed, but the thing was that he was conversant in our dialect. he would even tease me by asking, "tama?" or "bakit ka natahimik?".

when i commended him for his good communication skills, he said "kasi kayo filipino masyado madaldal," followed by a really, really hearty laugh. it turned out that he favors kabayans for passengers over other nationalities because filipinos talk a lot, are bubbly, and considerate. he mentioned that only filipinos would invite taxi drivers to eat with them when they eat inside the vehicle. filipinos would always ask "kumusta ka?" whenever they would get in a cab. "filipinos are madaldal," he said again and again, and this comment sent me laughing all the way to the office.


united nations

have finally found work, yuppee!!!

ooops, this is not permanent work yet. i am relieving richard who went back to davao for a month. so happy to get this job, not only for the pay i'd get (mind u, the company pays generously) but also for the experience this post offers.

barely 2 weeks here, i was torn between accepting this admin post for a month or finding a permanent job in a company that would offer me working permit/visa. it wasn't easy deciding but my friends think i am crazy for ever having doubts about this relieving stuff. for one, not all people who come on visit visa get a month's stint in this big company (and this is really huge!). an international company situated in the heart of this great and wealthy state, the experience it could offer to anyone is really enticing, not to mention the certificate they would give by the end of the month (with the company's name printed in bold, geez, how dare i thought of turning down the offer a week back?!). and the salary, it's almost double to what most filipinos who have stayed here for years get.

so, what's with the title? it's because, being in an international company, i get to work with people from different backgrounds. there's Miss A who's from London (geez!), Mr. B who is from london as well, there are americans, indians, pakistanis, filipinos, etc. if we were to wear our national costumes, i tell u, a child could take our group picture and submit it to his/her social studies teacher.

on a different note, my filipino colleagues here laugh at my lunch box. they keep on teasing me for my rice and viand combination of a baon. they think i'd soon gain weight even before i finish my contract here. with all the chocolate chips and cookies, the bread-butter-cheese and what not in the cupboard and every where else in the kitchen, it would really be a wonder if i still do not get bigger by the day here.

working with people from different cultures is never boring. u learn a word or two a day, it does not matter if it is old english, chinese, hindi, pakistani, or whatever. also, their working culture is different, and this difference makes one grow, and i hope by the end of the month i'd have much to bring with me.


random thoughts

most of the time i find myself stuck in the very beginning of a writing agenda, so to dispose of the said problem (though a title is a very important element in writing), i just put on random thoughts as the heading...

God is good! this i know from the moment i was born, but lately He has demonstrated His love for me in so many ways. Exactly a week now, i left the philippines to visit friends in __________ and also to try my luck in this foreign land. not that to work here is the be-all and end-all of my efforts, in fact, it was only when i reached this place that i realized how unlucky we were to be brought up in corruption-laden phils. the almost half day trip to here was very tiring and there were moments when i felt scared (though i was with three friends that time) and intimidated by the kabayans in the immigration, my 'flightmates' (allow me to coin the word), and the airport attendants clad in green and brown uniforms which reminded me of hitler's time. but God is good, i got all the way to _________ safe and sound.

this place is so cool. so different from what i have known. my friends and i bask in the daily heat of the sun and at the same time enjoy the november breeze. at night the wind is a bit fiercer as december approaches. buildings stand with might against the desert wind. travellers like us stand in awe as we watch lighter versions of the arabian stand storm. we marvel at the dainty yet strong bridges that are products of human creativity and ingenuity. and i, personally, take pleasure in listening to the different tongues being uttered in singsong.

there is yet so much to see. a week has not demystified yet the wonder that this ancient but advanced land have. we have not tasted many of this land's food yet, not tried the strokes that their massage parlors offer, and we have not visited many of its nooks and corners yet. one thing for sure, i collect experiences each day to boast of to my children and my children's children in the years to come. and as i do this, i also collect friends- filipinos and foreign, with whom i grow and learn with and from. each day is a wonder. and i am so happy to have finally gained the courage to see the world and strive to be a better me.


...and it came back on her.

she was the player. she had a few boyfriends cry over her, their broken relationships, her many unfulfilled promises, and some wishful thoughts of love and marriage. she played the field, and she played it smart. and though she tripped in some of her adventures, she never tied the knot inspite of the boy's pleas for marriage and promises of fidelity.

now she falls in love, and she falls so hard and hit the ground so soon. though she and he are both in love, he is not ready for more serious commitment. while they enjoy being near yet far as the cliche goes, she now wants more. the thing is, she now wants to have the many things that were offered to her a few years back which she a little less cordially declined.

the boy cried in 2002. now she is crying.
(what a love story)


today is...

not so much of a happy day but i gave up all my research cares and simply dived off to do some personal stuffs. i owe this to myself, and even if it were during office hours when i processed some papers, went to see my optometrist, and did a little window shopping, i don't think bc is shortchanged. it's the other way around.

recently i have been working like a humanoid. some chip must have been inserted somewhere in this beautiful head that i started to map, interview, edit as if there is no tomorrow. i would understand this change if i were compensated well, like a per deim that is based on justice (tina rolls her eyes), some basic allowances for food and transportation (see, the per deim rate could not even amount to what we would pay if we get a good asian style massage to soothe the growing body pain), some vitamins or even an umbrella to shield me from the heat or rain.

... i dont think today is the time to speak. when i am this tired, i get so painfully vocal... tomorrow some wisdom (or reserve?) might dawn on me....

yesterday was...

a very tiring day, though i didn't really do much in the field.

i had a lot of learning to pick up the other day and i admire doki for her very smart and weighted- upon comments on the project. "i am sorry to put my foot forward" was the winning line and i was really mesmerized at how she managed to impose authority over us weaker creatures during the meeting.

i was reminded of my college professors. they were people like doki who wears authority like a halo, not because she sings of how good she is at her field, but because she has put whatever learning she has accumulated over the years over and above her pride. i always get fascinated by people like her whose personality wins the crowd, her words and comportment speak for the genius inside her.

she nagged us, alright, but it was acceptable. we didn't get right on track, not even keep up with the schedule. and with the deadline approaching, it was understandable if she took over the situation. there was no clear leadership anyway, and she was the only brain among the scattered peas (hekhekhek!).

such a witch she was to the eyes of some, but to me, she was somebody i look up to in the field of research. and really, being where i am now, i thought i would be jaded for the rest of my life (didn't i say to somebody a few years back that he gave up a bad name?! and that the transfer has not imposed upon me some extent of moral ascendancy as it is harder to distinguish the real score when supremacy is spoken and not done?). doki might just be the saving grace then.


writer's block

i have just recently read somewhere that the notion of a writer's block is a hoax. and while i have used the idea for some time to excuse myself from the idleness, i somehow agreed when the writer of the article pointed out that several reasons affect a person's relationship with words.

i caught myself thinking, evaluating, reconciling the truth behind the article to my own experience with words and with writing. lately, i find myself to be bursting with ideas to write on, with feelings wanting to be freed, with experiences which i thought had to be written down lest they be forgotten. but once i start clicking on the tab linking to a new blog entry, everything just disappears, like a bubble that pops on its own with the slightest touch of the wind. Remnants of what was a moment ago could have been paragraphs of emotions, of dreams, of explorations, of experiences, are the only things that would be left, leaving me doubtful of my own facility to write or if not, of my connection to my emotion and to my soul.

i attribute this inability to jot down my thoughts to writer's block. somehow the idea has served me well. for a time i have gotten away, every time a grand thought cascades in the mind but dissolves in thin air, with that little flaw. however, a day of not writing which proceed to a day more, a week, a month, is not something to be taken for granted. and so after reading the article i mentioned earlier, i sat alone, collected my thoughts on writing and not writing.

i fear of being too transparent, and even while writing this i know i am pouring out so much of my mind's content. this fear, i think now, is one of the many reasons why i have this writer's block. i am afraid of being vulnerable, and when i am so transparent to the point that people could easily read my thoughts, i think i am at my most vulnerable point. i shy away from intimate relationships. i only have a few really close friends, these are people who know me inside-out, who could read my mind like their own. i know people like me for me the ability to squeeze in the crowd, but only a few knows of my ups and downs. i could not write about something i do not want to be exposed. i have come to deny this fact, and so i owe everything to writer's block.

there are times though when i feel like going beyond this fear. there arouse sometimes an urge to be known, to connect to people, or to just simply write regardless of everything and of everyone. during these times, it is my own set of standard in writing that turns the attempt off. then again, i call on writer's block.

of all my reasons, and there are a lot more i could not put in, lethargy seems to be the worst enemy. but my sluggishness is a mixture of sub-reasons. i have always believed people who read a lot could have a say on more topics, but my eyes are slowly failing me at this early age. i exploited them, i know, and so now i am paying dearly for my misuse of them. these days i also am enjoying the daily two-hour ride to and fro work and so i no longer read while commuting, or jot things. also because i think that activity on the public vehicle is only apt to students.

there is still too much to write on writer's block but i guess it is high time i give it proper credit.


lately, i have been...

october 29
wallowing in boredom, eating a lot, and sleeping like a log.
see, some creature borrowed my officekeys last thursday. wasnt able to retrieve them, or she did not return them is more appropriate to say. and so i had no laptop to work on last weekend. also, i wasnt able to get the research papers i had to edit, what a waste of time really! i was soooooooo bored. eating and sleeping were the only things left to do (my eyes hurt so much last weekend so i had to keep away from books and the tv).
in the afternoon, i dont know where i got the guts, i opened my closet, brought out my old but fave stuffs, and tried them on (see, i am really so excited over leaving!) only to realize what a piggy i am now! the realization had me doing some exercises this morning, hurray!

october 27
hating the world for not giving me 35k!
tina, ethel, renato and i, after meeting in school, proceeded to victoria plaza. what a wonderful day it had been! i had always loved VP for its simplicity. we sent tina's and ethel's money, dined in Flyover fronting VP, went to Anda to savor some durian and headed to cats and dogs to unleash the singer in us. cats and dogs however was fully occupied and so, with al's invitation, we went to wudkraf in matina. and geez, i thought the god adonis has climbed down from his pedestal to live with us humans. he was so gorgeous, every inch of him. and except that his complexion was fair, he could have been the very definition of the man of my dreams!

october 25
trying to gain experience, or so i thought!
not that i wanted to join the fieldwork for experience, heck, i have been into a lot of field tasks since i was 16! i was there since it was part of my job though, correct me if i am mistaken, i think i am only into research publication as per record given to me by the HRD. i really do not want to whine, only desperate and fixated people do that, as JL once said, but really- as far as i could remember- it wasn't me who wanted some experience in the field. the straw that actually broke the camel's back is the lovely sight i caught just when i was so overly starved. i saw the boss, the one who actually craved for experience in the field, comfortably seated in one of the benches, the towering tree rendered him shade against the prickling heat of the midday sun. i could almost hear myself calling the cow holy!


leaving on a jet plane...soon.

things that are hard to live without:
1) maki
2) the everyday cat-dog scenario with the housemate
3) my mk
4) the internet
5) cielo, zoe, gedd
6) the laptop, the movie/series collection, the magazines in the bathroom
7) jmr, barbs, yessa, mel, juan, bobong
8) pansit canton

the things i'd miss doing:
1) the daily chaotic adventure in waking up a going big boy
2) tug-of-war with maki in strength and in wits
3) teaching one baby boy and three baby girls
4) the every now and then cold war with the housemate
5) the daily commute
6) budgetting
7) doing the grocery
8) the ukay-ukay
9) movie marathon
10)fighting with madz edith

books to buy to while away the time:
1) sophie's world by jostein gaarder (i lost my copy when a friend from college borrowed it and never returned...i wish he/she gets to read this and feel the urge to contact me. just in case, the number is 09108119197 ("/,).
2) the count of monte cristo by alexandre dumas. i love the writer and i love his masterpieces. too bad though his works can't be found in 2nd hand bookshops.
3) the alchemist by paulo coelho- have read the story twice but i think i need the passion of santiago in chasing dreams, just in case one day i'd feel the weight of the world and decide to turn back.

life's like that... one has to brave the tide to reach a dream.


bloody pathetic...

this institution is so!

pathetic toward almost everything that is humane.
they think as if their titles could save them from being the blood-thirsty animals they have become over the years, their abundance has turned them so.

tina babes
manang ethel
barbs, mel, yesa, bobong and edon
to everyone who's left this institution with a heavy heart
and to everyone who cries for justice...

they'll have their share one of these days.



from tabs to blogspot
some entries i don't want to let go...

kacheeks and the rest of the neopets species
from the amor vincit omnia category
posted July 2, 2007

i have encountered the kacheeks because of cielo. if not for her i would not even know that such virtual creatures abound and that neopets.com is one of the most visited websites by pre-teens today. thanks to this tutee i now have an account in neopets.

u think i am too old for virtual pets, huh? i'd daresay i'm not, because kacheeks and the other neopets characters are the latest designs for the customized pins we sell (with my partner sir bong). we gots loads of orders, and i am sooooooo thrilled about this. u know why? because these kacheeks and other characters bring out the child in me that is often suppressed, hidden and unattended.

party PARTY party!
from the amor vincit omnia category
posted June 27, 2007

it's gedd's bday!

she just turned 1 yesterday. the party was filled with fun as mom dot's hands were busy with the preparation for months, yes, months. the oh-so-great-mother that she is, she has been planning her 3rd child's birthday since january. in fact, she even ordered a few items from abroad just to suit gedd's bday theme.

i don't really like strawberry shortcake but my opinion does not matter. i'm no kiddie and so i don't have much to say about cartoons and kiddie stuffs. however, when it comes to parties, and if it's their party, then it is also my party.

june 12 we had to sort the candies and freebies for the loot bags. planning for games, packing prizes, and preparing the giveaways are always my turf when it's cielo's, zoe's, and gedd's party. what a job! those cutie items surely delighted the kids that came.

the food was great and the decoration was simple yet elegant. there were princesses as the emcees for the games and even barney came. oh what a delight for zoe who did not even wink all throughout the 30mins that barney was there.

there's so much ahead of you, geddi. tichi wut wish u the best.

maki turns 5!
from the amor vincit omnia category
posted June 27, 2007

the angel turns five, and everyone wishes him the best. for a child, the world is such full of wonders and that every year he/she turns older he/she thinks he's/she's able to comprehend more of the world in which he lives in. at five, he is already knowledgeable of the different colors and shapes (mind u, he learned the basic and secondary colors at age 3 as well as the shapes) and its spelling. it is a wonderful thing when u are able to witness the growth of a child. i can not help but marvel at how, every single day that the sun shines, he learns a thing or two. he is very inquisitive that for one who is not accustomed to having a child as talkative as he is he would be one who deserves timeout. for maki and the inquirer in him, for the dreams he has and the energy to do everything that he does, kudos!

Agents of Change
from i have been through worse category
posted June 27, 2007

lately i have been dragging my days to pass. i know this would set gayedelle's mood off, she hates it when one simply exists. her voice still echoes as she lectured me on the difference of existing and living several years back *oh yes, more than 10 years already.* I know i sound bloody pathetic today *so early in the morning, geez, it's only 15 past 10,* but believe me, i deserve to be so, just for now until the weekend's over.

physical change new office next week. am not so happy of this so-called lateral transfer but i am looking forward to having a new table come monday next week. i passed by the Research Office yesterday and saw how meager a space we have. i tell myself that in a few month's time, the rest of the reaserch staff and i will be in the new building at the third floor *whew, so happy to hear there would be an elevator, or else these poor legs would be so darned tired each day*. oh yeah, ms rauly told me my computer in the new office sucks. i can't tell if i have patience for slow responding pc's but i guess i have to do some dirty work once i get there.

new office, new workmates, new boss... i will surely have difficulty adjusting, whew!
chemical change and its reactionsi can't be late, my mind screams. now i have to make plans on how to get up early, move a little briskly in the morning, and reach the office on time. three years of being the worst of this school's late comers, i am almost near panic state now. can't take too much coffee and energy drinks anymore these days. for one who's dependent on caffeine, this is a big blow.

chemical change would also refer to the bonding times i spend with the elearning people over pizza. surely the body would miss the fun, not just of the food *mind u, i am petite and don't look like one who overeats, wink* but of the seasoning friendship produces *which is of course more effective than the msg*.

lateral transfer...
from i have been through worse category
posted June 17, 2007

is there such a thing?

i wish i still have omar's number... i guess ayik is so busy now, what with his all-around participation for bm... or would jeppie be interested and listen?

for days already i have been pre-occupied with the thought of lateral transfer. i am not even sure if such a thing exists in the labor code. it's a pity atty's em-em and joshua are not here. their brilliant minds could have lighten my already hazy thoughts. even the scatter-brained (a former professor once referred to her that way) nogie could help me figure things out if she were only here in davao.

see, a lot of people from the same institution where i am working have been transferred to another department. this could be explained by the recent change in the organizational structure of the school. the hrd officer explains that the transfer of these people is lateral, meaning they only have to transfer from one office to another with the same rate as remuneration. i don't think the transfer is because there is simply no place for them as a result of the adjustment made to the structure. because if we take a closer look to the issue, we would see that while they were transferred against their will the positions they vacated are left open and for hiring. this is of course against the philosophy behind lateral transfer.

if you ask me about the issue, these people (including myself) have been observed to be efficient in their tasks and are therefore worthy to be trusted with more tasks, and so the transfer. what the admin fail to see, however (although i believe they simply deny the fact), is that with efficiency comes a price they have to pay. in my case, it is evident that they are after something which i possess (like the ability to write some trash on top of my affiliations with some NGOs and funding agencies). from the mouth of one of the minds of all these confusion "pls help the college". duh, it is not as if the college is losing, in fact the college continues to prosper. but i have said my piece, "i'm working for the dough, not for charity."

of course, because if i was into doing some pro bono then i should have continued serving under the ugnayan ng pahinungod of up. there, fulfillment would be genuine.

goodbye is never easy
from i have been through worse category
posted June 17, 2007

i'm now bidding goodbye to my boss and my friends in this department. three years of being with them, it seems like i have known them really well. and though we're not the best of friends, no we have not elevated the relationship to that level yet, but the thing is, it is always nice to go to the office knowing that these people are always there, just a pm/ym away. we could shout at each other, blame each other, fight (even wrestle) with each other, but those moments when we were not so unified as a group are the ones i would miss the most next to eating hot pizza.

i just love everyone in the e-learning department, starting from my boss who has his own world, to yessa who could stare at the mirror for hours and who always has fashion in her brain, to melody who is extremely quiet on occassions but whose comments are more important than that of barbz' words which are always dispensable and excusable. but mind you, it is barbz who saves the group from dull moments, what with his antics against yessa and her dogs.

three years and i was already thinking of some change in my career. last semester i was discussing the theme to a group of friends from grad school. it was not a very serious discussion then. but now that the change is coming, fast and unsolicited, i am very reluctant to go and leave the group. i'd surely miss everyone.

this is crazy. this is overly dramatic. i am just transferring to a different department. it's just in another building. but i feel like i am going to some distant place where no one and nothing is familiar. i know who my new boss is but there's just no replacing the comedic jmr. the letter says it's a lateral transfer and so the better part of me says there is nothing to worry about... some old stuffs are to be expected. but something is telling me that no, it is not, that there is something more, in fact, that there are a lot more that have not been told yet.

whatever they are, i am not so interested in thinking of them just as yet. i know they will unfold in their own time. for now i am still mending this worrying heart and am still trying to look for a medicine to separation anxiety.


davaosale.com and the art of rhetoric

haggling, cajoling, these are but two of the skills i have learned ever since i joined davaosale.com. it may seem a bit more of a task than the usual trading- what with all the meet up, prices and warranty negotiations- but the experience just suits every one whose budget is a bit restricted, or even one who simply wants what his/her money is worth.

rhetoric, or the ability to persuade, is easier when taken in as a concept rather than as an act. the disourse has to be contextualized, arguments (arrangements, in this matter) be properly planned and regulated lest you lose the bid, and one has to be witty and be able to live up to the challenge that governs the entire transaction. patience has to be stretched, and negotiations have to be fast. in the end, you take note of the bad and good DS members and put them in separate baskets.

i have had my share of good and bad transactions in davaosale. luckily, the bad ones are just minor incidents- just like when u lose the item to another buyer who has hard cold cash on hand, like you lose to another buyer in just a matter of minutes or an hour.

most of my experience in davaosale though are good ones and worth relating to friends. they wonder how i could come up with best buys from DS. i guess the secret is that i never engage into business right away, i check the background of the member, and make sure that i could contact him/her when the need arises. not that this is the surest part of making good transactions but at least it serves me well.

for now, i'm off to meeting another DS member, good luck to me!


how do I love thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

This particular verse by Elizabeth Barrett Browning never fails to inspire me as i go on with life, love, and faith. When i was a sophomore we read a lot of verses and this one instantly became a favorite. I wondered if i would ever experience the depth and sincerity described by the poet, whether by giving or taking love. The love that is portrayed here seems too good to be true, if not impossible, and i would admit to doubting the meaning of each lines and accounting them to the verbosity of the author.

But still, whether this is an honest expression of one's feelings or simply a product of a prolific mind, i'd still say that this poetry made me yearn to find that one great love who could make me look at life wonderfully in spite of all its contradictions: to see light whether it be coming from the sun or from a candle, to feel like it is a right, to breathe, to smile, to cry, and to even love even after death.


who's talking?

i'm glad i have gotten myself a new blog!

after that fateful attempt to give my old tabulas a facelift which later on gave way to its untimely death, i haven't had the chance to post my daily thoughts. i went through that process of grieving, and i found it hard to start anew. it was like losing my bestfriend, all thanks to my audacious nature.

it was i who ended my tabulas, and i regret it. each day i open my tabs, praying that the genius in me would be able to trace its steps back and salvage Expressions. for a time i tried to recapture what was once a glorious collection of random thoughts, emotional ramblings, and even this writer's blocks. the frustration is mixed with regret, with hopelessness, with lack of sensation, until the soul surrenders. it is only when one gives up the past that one lives on his present and moves to the future i suppose.

so who's talking?

chikadee might have played mute for a while, but there is no telling that the girl has not reserved her thoughts. all those moments of not being able to write down everything that was worthwhile typing will be relived as the writer tries to relive the days. there's just so much to write about, and i miss my old self when i only had to turn to my blog and pour in the day's glee, or document the anguish, or just simply live the moment. to my blogspot, kudos! may you live for long.