just some random thoughts

(thursday, april 23rd)

although i welcome pain- for it is a reminder of my humanity, i do not appreciate its regular presence in my life. simplicity has always been a principle and everything that goes beyond the limit of a few sentences, a couple of tries, and a number of teardrops has to be get rid with. i may blabber, i may fail, i may cry, and all these times i may feel the pangs of pain biting me limb by limb, but i always have the choice whether to embrace the pain or to leave it behind.

today i am choosing to turn my back on you.

(friday, 24th)
"with great power comes great responsibility." - uncle ben, from ur friendly neighborhood spiderman.

this line just never leaves my mind. agreed. but there should be no room for mediocrity as well.

(saturday, 25th)
for someone with a high level of self-efficacy, to be psychosomatic is such a degradation. i have always believed that, in one way or another, i would be able to attain any goal as long as i set my mind into it and focus all my energies toward its achievement. this result (which is only a part actually of the whole study) on my psychological status was validated almost 2 years back when a group of students came for their thesis. the result was satisfactory with me having a high level of self regard.

it is therefore a shame to sit idly, watch tv, and wait for the day to end. the hotel's compound is so small and i guess i have grown tired of meeting the same faces each day that the opportunity for social persuasions, modeling, sharing of motivations / thought patterns, even of comparing social responses is less these days when i rather preferred to stay home instead.

the ultimate sign of distress is when symptoms of psychosomatic tendencies arise in me these last two days. been singing the song "down with the sickness" and unconsciously i slipped off to the world of disturbia.

i am just stuck for a moment, but definitely i would be moving on in a little more time. i struggle to bring back that old me as i picture Bono as U2 performed in woodstock. i love the entire piece, but the favorite:

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass



... marvin and karen pulled me out of bed for breakfast. just when i have declared a no-bf personal policy, they wave the green flag for family dining.
... a missed call from mister ali starts lowtide.
... a chat with snail brings me up and about again. mk, snail. really.
... am preparing for separation anxiety attack. many of my friends are leaving for the uae in the afternoon. i am happy for them. it's just that olympic hotel won't be the same without edna, maymay, william, don, ate marilou.
... am still feeling bad for not kissing harris goodbye last monday.
... am hating myself for things i did not do and for the things i did.
... i need to get a grip with my sanity. a screw's getting a bit loose. i hope my vanity could save me.
... i'm signing off for a while.





A Sporty Holy Tuesday

sports serves as an outlet for my lowtide attacks. today has been a roller-coaster ride of emotions. woke up wanting to scream at kuya edgar for calling so early and banged the phone right on his face. this has become a habit again, a bad one, this banging of phone. i apologized to kuya though after a while.

daytime was heavy. cried for different reasons: homesickness, the wait for visa, a call from Snail, and an aching body (thanks to that unfriendly hotel mattress).

lowtide didnt last long though as after dinner, my friends (karen, marvin, ritchie - the closest to me during this period) literally tugged me out of the room. played table tennis with our irani friends (ibrahim, farhoud, salah, hussain) whose hits warmed me up for a game with kuya jodi. kuya later became a very good coach and a hitting partner who helped me with my backhand.

afterwards, played patintero with the Kabayans. too bad my team was the weaker one. we lost 2 sets of 5 games each and had to crawl twice. it was so much fun and my voice was hoarse after the game.

then again went back to table tennis. won 1 out 3 sets, not bad for someone who has not held a racket for years, hehehe.

after a while i ran to the next court to watch volleyball and played as the cheerleader. reminds me of my younger days (*wink). cheered for arvi to marvin's disappointment. well, we can't be on each other's side all the time, bro.

didn't finish the match though, went back to the table for a rally.

what a sporty holy tuesday!
(please don't tell my mom that i am in the court instead of the church today)


Qeshm Bloopers

Number 1:
(karen and me sa room, habang kumakain)
Karen: gurl, ang laki na natin. tingnan mo nga braso mo.
Ruth: huh, sobrang laki na ba?
Karen: sort of. pero proportion pa rin naman...
Ruth: ah, ok.
(after a long pause)
Karen: ... sa tiyan mo!
Ruth: oh, no!!!!!

Number 2:
Ruth: Ate, umaga na ba?
Ate Marilou: Gabi na po!
*** yaiks, yan ang totoong daylight saving time.

Number 3:
(unti-unting nagkakaroon kami ni karen ng puwang sa maliit na lipunan na aming ginagalawan)
Kuya: Ruth, Karen, may pagkain pa ba kayo?
*** waaaaaaaaah!!!

To God Be the Glory

"Lord, i offer my life to you
everything i've been through
use it for your glory.
Lord, i offer my love to you
lifting my praise to you
as a pleasing sacrifice.
Lord, i offer you my life

This is my Qeshm family. Picture was taken the night before Ate Malou, Jane, Kuya Saindy, and Kuya Arnel left for the UAE, just right after the Thanksgiving offering for the success of the Oplan Malou.

The case of Ate Malou has brought all Kabayans to unite for one cause. She's one of those who went to exit, bringing with them promises of their employers only to be dropped like a hot potato after a while. She had no money. She had no family in the UAE. Her friends were limited to a few. Not knowing what to do, she broke to tears at the slightest provocation.

Led by Kuya Ramil, we raised fund, we prayed together, and we worked out negotiations to free her of her hotel obligations. Meetings were held frequently at our villa which served as headquarters for the Oplan Malou. Karen and I, with the help of Kuya Saindy, would prepare food and everyone ate with a happy heart though the stomach may not be so full. That night, Jane treated us to a sumptuous meal of chicken pasta soup (cooked by Ate Mina) plus our combination of vegetable and tuna (again, thanks to Kuya S).

The next day was a busy one. It's Ate Malou's departure day and everyone wanted to see her off. Manong Driver, however, being the KJ that he is, didn't agree to the idea and only granted permission to a few. Nonetheless, it was a success for everyone as we all were involved in our own capacity.

The following are pictures taken before Ate Malou and the rest of the lucky ones left.
we are kuya ramil's angels
with the son of Adonis, Amir
Kuya Saindy, me, Kuya Arnel, Ate Malou, Karen, and Kuya William
ang pangit kooo!!!


karen po!

meet my newfound friend.

karen. she's my roommate. she's my every complement to every single thing. she cooks, i wash the dishes. she likes the carrot jam, i take the butter. she only eats egg yoke, i only eat the white. she takes the softer part of the bread whereas i only like the outer layer. it's a real success in geometry.

we have a lot of things in common. we click. we bonded immediately as soon as we knew each other's name. and guess what? she's Oble's daughter too. UPLB may be a distance away from UPMin but never mind the figure, the shared experiences are just too much to ignore.

at first we talked of some petty stuffs. day one was for testing the water. she talked, i talked. there was an instant liking then. and believe me, she thought i was an Iska. i also thought she was one.

day 2, we knew each other then. how bizarre circumstances have been for us. imagine us, put together in one plane, one bus, one room. lo and behold! she's from the grounds of the same U. (for more pics, visit me at tabs.)