(thursday, april 23rd)
although i welcome pain- for it is a reminder of my humanity, i do not appreciate its regular presence in my life. simplicity has always been a principle and everything that goes beyond the limit of a few sentences, a couple of tries, and a number of teardrops has to be get rid with. i may blabber, i may fail, i may cry, and all these times i may feel the pangs of pain biting me limb by limb, but i always have the choice whether to embrace the pain or to leave it behind.
today i am choosing to turn my back on you.
"with great power comes great responsibility." - uncle ben, from ur friendly neighborhood spiderman.
this line just never leaves my mind. agreed. but there should be no room for mediocrity as well.
for someone with a high level of self-efficacy, to be psychosomatic is such a degradation. i have always believed that, in one way or another, i would be able to attain any goal as long as i set my mind into it and focus all my energies toward its achievement. this result (which is only a part actually of the whole study) on my psychological status was validated almost 2 years back when a group of students came for their thesis. the result was satisfactory with me having a high level of self regard.
it is therefore a shame to sit idly, watch tv, and wait for the day to end. the hotel's compound is so small and i guess i have grown tired of meeting the same faces each day that the opportunity for social persuasions, modeling, sharing of motivations / thought patterns, even of comparing social responses is less these days when i rather preferred to stay home instead.
the ultimate sign of distress is when symptoms of psychosomatic tendencies arise in me these last two days. been singing the song "down with the sickness" and unconsciously i slipped off to the world of disturbia.
i am just stuck for a moment, but definitely i would be moving on in a little more time. i struggle to bring back that old me as i picture Bono as U2 performed in woodstock. i love the entire piece, but the favorite:
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass