missing maki

been here for more than a month. that's more than a month of being far from maki.

if there ever is a person i miss so much, it would be him. the rest of them back in there are important too, but i have grown used to being far from them such that these days do not mean so much of homesickness to me. except when i think of maki.

five years old, so lively and manipulative, maki is the one thing i could not live without. each passing day i always think of him, how he fares in school, what toys is he playing, what he does at this moment, and so many other things yet. i worry about his baon to school, about his assignments, his exams, and these are the moments when i wish i were there in our old place, teaching him his lessons and playing with him until late at night.

i miss the smile he flashes when asked if mother and son look the same. i miss those times when he would simply sit on a corner and tinker on his toys, or when he watches cartoons and racing movies. i miss cradling him. i carried him to sleep a few months back, and though he was heavy i was still able to sing him songs from his early childhood. there is this song i always sang when he was young. and growing up, he has come to memorize the song. it really feels so good that this child had this song associated to me and that over the years, he has come to love this particular song.

there are a lot more i could say about maki. but remembering him, the time i spent with him, and the time i did not spend with him, send a bullet through my heart, each time crushing me and breaking me down. i miss him. so much that it hurts.